Wil's Story: Surviving Conversion Therapy

My name is Wil. I am an elder at Apple Valley Community of Christ and I survived "conversion therapy."

From 2006-2010, I participated in counseling sessions in church offices and with licensed therapists across the state of Alabama, Northwest Florida, as well as a weekend Exodus International conference in North Carolina. Sometimes I’d sit with a parent while the counselor tried to identify a non-existent trauma that made me think I was gay. When my parents weren’t present, the blame would be shifted to them. I was told that some internalized anger or resentment towards them might unlock the mystery to my sickness. Gender confusion from support in theatre, early love for music, over mothering, under fathering, there was something there and we had to figure it out, to erase my lie based behavior.

In March 2009, after living a gay teen’s worst fear, being publicly outed, I offered to return to “therapy” in order to stay in my private Christian school. Although I would go to a licensed therapist every Thursday for over a year, I was still kicked out of school to protect the other students. After being told by my community that I was a threat to others and having resisted opportunities to change in the past, I allowed a therapist week after week to tamper with my memories.

The details are traumatic. There are moments in my life that when I try to reflect on, I see only the bright light that was supposed to symbolize the love of Jesus erasing a lie based memory. This form of “therapy” is still used today under the revamped name “Transformative Prayer Ministry.” While my conversion “therapy” story occurred in other states and on the far end of the last decade, there are still therapists and counselors traumatizing the minds of vulnerable youth in Minnesota today. Parents and patients are being lied to about something dangerous.

As for the long term effects, I suffer from depression, anxiety, PTSD, and suicidal ideation. These interfere with my everyday life. Imagine living your life after spending crucial years of development being told that you were living in a sin that hurts and threatens others. A sin that you can change if you just do better at being a man or by erasing key memories.

If not for my faith, I would not be here today. My faith told me I was worthy of love. When I had no one, I had a God that I just knew loved me. I knew I just had to survive. And that’s what I do every day. Survive.